I am finding myself under immense brokenness. I can't put my finger on it, but it feels almost like depression has hit me and I don't know where I stand anymore. I've lost my hunger, I've lost motivation, oh God, what is happening to me?

I feel so alone. I can't concentrate on the many things that I need to. My heart feels heavier than it used to be. There's a pain when I speak. Amidst all of this brokenness, I cannot bear the fact of the many things that are not under my control. The fact that I can't turn back time and relive the many of the moments that I've had. The fact that I am here even though my heart is longing for an adventure outside of this mundane life. The fact that my future is upon me, whether I want it to or not.

Reality is such a hard thing to face. When everything seems to come down on you, how are you supposed to react? I just want to see the beauty in all of this. I want to feel good again, to see life as it truly should be. Not in such horrible pain and sadness. God, take this burden from me. Oh, what a wretch I am.

This week, I came across a beautiful song. Worship has always been my favorite genre a music. That's because it's not really a genre, but a lifestyle we live. Chris Tomlin recently released fifth album, Hello Love. There is one song on the CD that I am truly in love with. The song came at such a right time for me, and what a magnificent reminder to turn to God in our darkest hours.

I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fell
There's an echo for my soul
I can say 'It is well'


Jesus has overcome
And the crave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow , no more pain
I will rise on eagles wings
Before my God, fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

Oh Lord, I miss her very much.