3 month hiatus

A hiatus indeed. It's been such a long time since i've written in this blog (obviously). Yes, I've felt a drift from life i suppose, from what really matters most, from God. But now i'm back on track again-or at least i'm beginning to. Thank God for second chances.

Throw out the "second" really. I guess the term was never really meant for a fool like me. These last three months have been a strange and somewhat depressing look into a life maintained without God. Maintain is not a good choice of words. I went day in and day out feeling utterly depraved of something very essential to my core. It was obvious to me but at the same time very difficult to pull myself back together. Laziness struck me like a shock of lightning. I was less motivated to do anything pertaining to my future and to my spiritual life. Oh God, what a mess I am.

And amidst this brokenness, I now see the true purpose of it all. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to say. To understand God's future for me is almost impossible. That's because I have not any clue of what is in store for my life. And these last months I spent trying to plan my future without the help of God. Oh God, what a fool I am.

This week, i discovered the beauty of simplicity. Flashing lights, smoke machines, trendy worship leaders, i grow tired of it all and i'm sure God might get sick of it as well. But again, I should not speak for God nor should i judge the motives of the ones who are ordained to lead us. I remember watching the stage and the big projections, I couldn't help thinking of the time I spent in South Africa. We gathered in a school gym with folded chairs lined in small rows and on the stage were five middle-aged African women and a man with a cheap electronic keyboard that has those corny 80's beats. Yet, the beauty and talent these people had astounded me. It was the most heavenly singing i have ever heard in my life. And as they sang in their native tongue, I could not help thinking the cost of a keyboard must have been less than 100 bucks. Compare it to the thousands of dollars spent on big conferences, where do you think God will reside? Forgetting our First Love is a dangerous thing, and again I felt that simplicity is where God will dwell and manifest the greatest.