textbooks and philosophies

Bring out the ball-point pens, the neon highlighters, and the graphite black H3 Hummers? Yes, Plano West has begun school just like the rest of the metroplex. I woke up yesterday with this feeling that I will be stuck in this motion for a very long time. It still feels like summer and every second I get a chance to think (which is a lot, I've been making too much time to think), I miss the summer. I was on the "in-between" stage for the summer ending, but now that it's gone, I'm gonna have to get used to this waking up early business.

Senior year is finally upon me, and for now, school isn't so hard. Yet there are many things I should be worrying about that I am constantly being reminded by from my loving parents. College is coming and everyone around me seems to be in its big shadow.
Through this summer though, I have reevaluated what I've always wanted to be. I guess a change of heart is what you can call it. I am slowly understanding what God is revealing me to be. Today for my devotions, I read Mark 8. In it, Jesus tells His disciples in verse 38: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me". This has become such a key verse in my search for understanding. What does it mean to deny myself? To take up his cross? To follow God? "Whoever loses his life for God will save it". What does this really mean..?

The phrase brings me back to YUGO. Pastor Richard confronted me with his feelings that I was not made to be a "nice" person, but a "necessary" one. I knew what he meant, but calling me out of the crowd? I was scared. I was scared of letting him down. But I know that God has put a burden on my heart for my greater good. As I enter this last year of high school, it all comes down to my future. I am under immense pressure of making a great college and most of all, making my parents proud. This seems to be an underlying theme for many of my friends, but it never occurs that we have forgotten about God. In the end, we have our dreams, our ambitions, our ideas for the future. I feel that we sometimes input God into our own wants and needs, claiming it is God's will. I am afraid of manipulating God. I am afraid of letting Him down. I am afraid of not being who God made me to be.

With all of my hopes and fears, I believe God will turn my sadness into joy. Not happiness, but joy. "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 1 Corinthians 12:10.

Ah yes, the song for the day. Charlie Hall just released a new album on August 12th called The Bright Sadness. In his album, he centers his songs and lyrics on finding God through our troubles and difficulties. The music is great and I always enjoy nice praise music in my car. One of the songs that I am obsessed with on this album is "Mystery". Charlie Hall took the time to write the story behind all of his songs (it's always great to know where the song came from). The lyrics reflect on Christ as being "the bread of heaven, cup of salvation, dead, risen, and coming Lord." If you get a chance, take a listen to it. A great song.